A Gingerbread World

For a few weeks now I’ve been eyeballing the gingerbread house kit in the bakery window next door. Sadly, I cannot recall ever building edible gingerbread structures as a child (or as an adult). Coincidentally, none other than the Urban Locust has had similar thoughts. So the other night we decided that something would have to be done next winter about this childhood emptiness.

Today on the way home from work I was thinking about how I would make my gingerbread house. Then I thought, “Screw the gingerbread house!” “If I’m gonna do this then I’m gonna Go Big!” So now I’m thinking more along the lines of gingerbread castle, (maybe with a cathedral?) complete with gingerbread knights, horses, maidens, peasants, and perhaps even a dragon. Then once the peaceful and happy gingerbread kingdom is all decked out with its delightful frostings, sweet gumdrops, and striped candy canes along shall come its doom! For as certain as I am that my name is Scott, there shall appear a mean and ugly giant with an unsatiable appetite for gingerbread. Oh the poor peasants! They shall run in a fearful panic, but only to their destruction as the giant scoops each one up and greedily nibbles off each appendage before devouring their crumbling bodies. Even the brave gingerbread knights will be no match for the crushing blows and chomping teeth dealt to them. When the massacre is over and a deathly silence fills the air, the giant will then focus his attention on the castle itself. Nothing will be spared by the mercilless beast! Yes, for the gingerbread kingdom the fates see such a short-lived splendour followed by a tragic end. As for that giant – a fun and sweet future indeed awaits!


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6 responses

  1. anonymous says:

    Yikes! Perhaps instead of proudly displaying our gingerbread SHACK, Lela and I should cautiously stash it away for safe keeping come the Winter Solstice?!

  2. Fear not dear and gracious makers of shacks! I think this giant only has authority to conquest within the Kingdom of An Tir. Any such behavior while visting The Midrealm would be completely out of line and would not be tolerated!

  3. “Gingerbread CPU”

    MT really shouldn’t strip out the url for the comment preview. Bad MT bad!

  4. Barry – now you’ve done it. I’m not sure if I can be satisfied simply with even a gingerbread castle now. Surely I can come up with something completely new and original… a wearable gingerbread tuxedo maybe? mmm…

  5. Sylvia Wood Elf says:

    Egads, lads! You have planted the seed of a flowering kingdom of edible delight! The castle image with knights and peasants devoured by the merciless beast teeth transported me with its inpired images, but frankly, the edible tuxedo did me in. The image of little girls nibbling away at the impassive giant of a ginger clad man, unmoved by their desire, sent metaphoric shivers down my spine.

    I say add some corsair ships and giant catapults to the scene instead, and of course, some foreign beasts as part of the invading army, dragons being acceptable as well as mammouth-like monsters. Avoid the pig faced mutant, though, as that moves us off the fantasy square and over the edge of the horror abyss.

    Go heavy on the red and white gumdrops – they’re the best. And include your Elf friends in the destructive orgy. We’ll skewer ‘em with our archer skill, then shake back our long tresses with disdain as we brush the ginger crumbs from our immaculate suede vest.

    Thanks for the trip. I want photo evidence when this kingdom comes to life. I offer my kitchen as the site for such a venture if ever you wandering knights errant need such an incentive.

    Let it snow!

  6. amanda says:

    i really like it!!! so cool!!!!

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