Thought Distillery

This evening I somehow found myself tagging along in a last minute holiday shopping spree. “Sure I’ll go along. I’ve got nothing much else going on this evening” I thought. Then the reality struck. Suddenly I was what seemed like hours into Brand X building store moving along in the energy draining shopper’s march. I was quite impressed with the very polished and eager store associates who seemed to be crawling throughout every isle ready to pledge their life of service at the merest twitch of an eyebrow. Oh how polished these fresh recruits were! But the store has only been open for 5 days you see. I would love (love is such a strong word here) to revisit in about 5 months to compare and contrast the enthusiasm of the two time slices. That should be about enough time for corporate big box to eat its employees’ souls. At least I had fun rearranging the magnetic labels on the shelfs. I should have pulled out my stopwatch and recruited one of those overzealous employees to play a Rice-Is-Pright-like pricing game with my jumbled up price tags. Ah, but the cheery voice came over the loud speaker to announce the store was closing. Saved - but not quite.

Just down the road my party discovered the 24hr super-duper-megamongous YYZ-mart. A surge of panic begin to overtake me but then my anti-shopping anti-bodies started to kick in. Evasive actions were in order so I called upon my natural defensive instincts. Rather than continue as a dreary shopper, I transformed myself into one whose sole purpose for visiting was to play and not to buy. All merchandise and merchandising equipment became fair targets for my entertainment. A short list of discoveries included:

Charlie Brown action figure set:

I was suspicious of the motives behind the exclusion of two very prominent characters, namely Peppermint Patty and Marcie. Perhaps the toy manufacturer felt that they had neutralized their shame by including the less prominent minority character, Franklin? Oh thank you for protecting our children from the evils of suggestive cartoon characters! (does sarcasm come through very well in print?)

Baby animals sticker book:

Featuring cute baby vultures

Cans of boneless chicken:

Straight from the rough and rowdy boneless chicken farm I’m sure

“Deco Tape - Girly Tape”:

Cellophane tape with prints of pastel flowers and pre-teen female expressions “Sassy!” Sadly missing was “Manly Tape” with crushed beer cans, broken skulls, and expressions such as “Skin ‘em alive!”

“Pipettes”:

Wax candy shaped like pipes. Evidently the pipe smoking lobby was successful at protecting their interests when anti candy cigarette legislation was passed into law years ago

Year of the Rooster Chinese Horoscope:

As a rabbit, I am ensured a happy and prosperous 2005 as long as I stay away from the “popular crowd” or anyone who might cause any undue vexation. I should visit China someday

Random packet of chewing gum:

Oh how you freaked me out as I watched your package expand and contract as if you were breathing like some possessed confectionary. Mmm, possessed confectionary…

Gift registry kiosk:

Even though Mr. and Mrs. J. Miller’s baby was due on Dec. 19, I was thrilled anyway to print out their want list to get a peek at the shopping desires of new parents. I was un-thrilled that the list failed to include the address or phone number of my new friends. How am I supposed to deliver that umbilicare body suit that they requested?

This entry was in no way meant to belittle the evening or the merry people who accompanied me. If anything it should be read as a lesson in experience transformation through mere attitude shift.